If Fear Consumed Me

If fear consumed me I would never leave my home.  I would be too afraid that the summer heat will make me faint, a trip to the store will send me into a POTS spell, or going on a hike I could dislocate a limb and be stuck without being near a hospital.  There are constant opportunities for my body to fail me, but I can not wait for it to happen.  My heart is still pumping and my lungs are still breathing so I should still be living.

Living with a disability is not easy.  I struggle with multiple chronic conditions such as Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (POTS), Ehlers Danlos Syndrome Hypermobile (EDS), Gastroparesis, Chronic Fatigue, and migraines.  With all of these conditions my symptoms are off the chart!  To keep me stabilized each day it requires a long list of must dos.  I must eat first thing when I wake up.  I must drink nuuns multiple times a day.  I must take a handful of pills in the morning, mid morning, afternoon and night.  I MUST take a long restful nap. And I must do many other things.  Looking at me you would have no idea I am sick, but inside there is a wild storm going on.  My world changed when I got sick back in 2010, but I have learned how to manage it.

The one important lesson I have learned when becoming ill is to change my thoughts.  When I changed my thoughts from being negative or fearful, my world slowly changed.  I did not realize that the mind is such a powerful tool.  Once I let go of fear coming into my mind, I opened myself up to the ability to experience some pretty amazing adventures.  I allowed myself to go explore again.  I allowed my heart to feel excited from taking a chance and going on an excursion.

Traveling makes my soul feel happy and at peace.  It can be difficult to do because of disabilities, but it can still be done.


2 thoughts on “If Fear Consumed Me

  1. I know this will sound like those irritating people who ask if you’ve tried this and have you tried that and I’m gonna put it here anyway just in case it helps one day.

    My niece was struck down with CFS last Autumn and is now in good recovery. I am not sure how she found her saviour but she was introduced to something called The Lightening Process and also a Functional Medicine Practitioner. My sister, her mum, introduced me to Dr Terry Wahls who has done loads of research about our Microbiome (there is loads on the internet about this) and treats her MS with diet. My niece also uses diet to treat her CFS. My niece is now studying to become a Functional Medicine Practitioner.
    I know for me I’d want someone here doing all the diet stuff….making the food etc and I am not chronically ill.
    I am not sure how well a massive diet change would work in your family and whether someone would prepare food for you….
    I hope you receive this in the manner it was intended and that one day you come out the other side of this.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your suggestions! Sometimes it takes hearing other peoples treatments to make new changes in your own life. I think I would be a bit healthier if I had a live in cook to make me fresh meals in snacks! My diet has become so restricted its hard to eat.

      Liked by 1 person

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